ITommy Ainsgarth gets buggered on t'engine

It were a dark November Nox in Yorkshire. XIX XXX something. It weren't raining for once. Nor freezing neither. Nor fog. luminousness of Grisegarth signal box on t'London and north Eastern railroad track could be seen for miles.

Passenger train come past, headed for Grimsby, locomotive engine were off ticktack a bit. It were an old ‘ un built be Beyers at Manchester for Lincolnshire and Yorkshire Railway. Four big driving wheels as big as a man and four little 'uns out front. Over thirty twelvemonth old, miss fourth dimension but nowt they couldn't mek up wi a bit o'speeding a bit over Ellerbeck viaduct and conjunction beyond.

Next along were Immingham trade good. On footplate were youthful Tommy Aisgarth. He were real excited, officially like as he were engine cleaner, but he's done examination for fireman and it were his first time out firing locomotive on long trip, He had been on shunting engines many times after having reached eighteen the age for working on engine footplate, but this were material thing.

Ted Moresely were driving, fat ugly pot bellied bloke, near as fat as he were tall, too blooming fat to get under engine to oil unit of ammunition proper like.

He were pissed off, he usually drove a big B5 stratum loco, built by George Robinson in 1922 but today he had a good new J39, a smaller cheaper railway locomotive built be Herbert Gresley what weren't really up to job so they shortened train to 40 Plough, 600 tons.

It were maximum load for J39 and Tommy had to crop like a trojan, shovelling coal trying to restrain up steam. He were sweating buckets, he stripped off his crownwork and then his shirt as he shovelled coal inexpertly into the ravenous firebox of the loco. Ted kept the regulator half open and the valves in full gearing to make Tommy sweat. He could bear saved half the coal if he'd pulled up up and opened regulator but he were a sadistic sod.

The banged and crashed up through Grisegarth and retiring Moresby top to summit box, all signaling off and only two minute of arc down with body of water bobbing in the backside nut of gauge glass, Ted shut regulator and shouted for Tommy to put exist steam injector on to fulfil boiler.

locomotive engine began to pick up velocity, Tommy went to put tea can on firing crustal plate for a brew.

"Plenty of time for that lad,"Ted says,"meter for a bit of fun."

"Fun Ted ?"Tommy asked.

"Fun, get thee pants down I wan't to sodomise thee,"Ted laughed.

"Bloody blaze, bugger me, I mean not bugger me but don't sod me like."Tommy blustered.

"Look lad, on footplate driver's in bearing and I'm Driver reet ?"Ted explained,"And I fancies ramming me cock up thee's ass, not that I ent queer nor nil, just that wanking MEK thee blind and I'd rather spend cash on beer than on't ‘ ores.

"I dunno Ted,"Tommy says,"I ent ad a doll let alone be buggered."

"You refusing an parliamentary law from thee driver ?"Ted asks,"Sacking offense is that."

"Now hang on !"Tommy proested,"buggery's bloody illegal !"

"I'll tell they as thee let water supply down and never looked out for signaling, told I to get stuffed and made I shovel coal as thee were too knackered to do on't."Ted warned.

"Thee's a filthy sodomite,"says Tommy as string picked up hotfoot down depository financial institution,"But I ‘ ant no pick ‘ as I."

Well loco were blowing off steam and water system were coming up in glass so Tommy opened fire doors to cool.

"Come on don't bugger about, '' Ted insisted

Reluctantly Tommy undid his bang and slipped his pants down.

Ted smirked"Brace thee self agin the backplate,"he chuckled.

"It's fucking red hot !"Tommy protested.

"sodomist, bloody Gresley, bloody GC engines has them lagged,"Ted cursed,"bent on to blinking water pocket instead.

Tommy stood wi his breeks around his ankle joint gripping on to water supply scoop rack while Ted eased hs braces off of his sholders and dropped his coveralls to expose a curt fat ugly cock barely poking out as far as his fat gut.

Ted wobbled as he aimed hs putz at Tommy's ass but missed half a 12 fourth dimension when suddely wallop.

Teds cock pressed an inch into Tommy's sozzled ass hollow as the locomotive engine stopped pretty near dead.

There was a terrible crashing of busted wood and alloy locomotive reared up at back end and Ted and Tommy was flung against the boiler.

Tommy was stunned, he thought it was the shock of his ass muddle busting but then Ted was screaming and there was ember off the tender and busted woodwind instrument all around. Tommy were stunned but he dragged his knickers back up and staggered around trying to establish sense of it.

There were broken in bits of carriages all round.

"Bugger me Ted we hit summat !"Tommy says.

"Agghhhhhh !"Ted screamed. Tommy couldn't see Ted.

"What's going off ?"Tommy asked.

"Agghhhhhhh !"Ted screamed again.

Tommy reached for the fire doorway lever to open ‘ em up so as he could see. The lever tumbler was jammed but ith the open lieu. He coldn't understand it so he grabbed the body of water caliber lamp.

"Arrrgghhhh !"screamed Ted.

Tommy shone the luminousness. There were Ted wi his ass speared by the knob on the firebox doorway lever and all the skin burned off of his bum. Tommy felt retch and wanted to laugh at the like time.

"I go to signal box for rule 55 !"he offered and he jumped down off of engine and headed for box.

Turned out express engne had rolled bad on Muncaster Viaduct and derailed tender, vacuum brake had stopped it and goodness had run through five signals before hitting expressage up the ass.

Ted were probably dead afore anyone bohered wi him. His ass were burned right away to the ivory and he residual of him roasted though his thrill were O.K. and his cap and pocket watch.

"By eck tha's a prosperous chap,"said signalman as Tommy walked up gradation to box.

"How d'yuo mean value ?"Tommy asked.

"Walking away from tha'wreck,"he replied.

"Aye, hardly a chicken feed,"Tommy agreed.

"And thee driver ?"signalman asked.

"He was screaming a bit but he shut up now, anteriority is govern 55 ent it,"Tommy replied.

"Tha'll mek a fine railwayman, have a brewage and go back and if he's dead nick his lookout before some former bugger does."

"Tha's a callous bugger,"Tommy replied.

"Not if driver were one Ted Moresely,"Signalman explained,"shit said I put signals back agin him when he ran right through em, too busy buggering his fireman, has he buggered you an all ?"

Tommy said nowt.

"No bugger liked him, tight fisted fat otiose illegitimate child,"Signalman moaned.

"Can I use your bog ?"Tommy asked.

"No thee bloody can't,"Signalman said but it were too tardy Tommy had door open.

Poor Tommy never seen a lad porter in a undifferentiated cap and nowt else except for stockings and suspender afore. So he fainted.

He was in waiting room at the station when he woke up. Stationmaster were shaking him,"Eh no slacking."

"I just had a bang,"Tommy explained.

"What, wi Doris from recreation room ?"Inspector asked.

"Nay we run into ass of Passenger."Tommy says.

"wellspring go and relieve passenger fireman, he banged his head word, they're going on wi half train."he explained.

Tommy climbed onto passenger engine, Sid Hancock were driver.

"Eye up thee all reet lad ?"he asked.

"Aye, Bloody Ted tried to bugger I and ne'er kept a tone out,"Tommy says.

"Shoud have waited ‘ till order at Immingham,"he laughed,"Still stick wi I and I'll see thee right."

Tommy had no trouble wi locomotive engine and Sid took him to wedge,"We usually shares double bed drier and fire-eater together,"says number one wood,"But I pays extra."

"What for a ace room ?"asks Tommy.

"Nay lad for a tart,"he laughed.

poor people Tommy, he had to kip on flooring. Landlady showed them to room. She were a widder, maybe forty year old, fat as a pig, then instead of buggering off while they turned in she stripped off and led on bed while Sid shagged her.

"You want a poke lad, I paid her for entirely night ?"Sid asked.

"No thanks,"says Tommy.

"looking at why be a gooseberry, sod off and keep our Dolores company why don't you ?"Landlady suggested.

Dolores were Landladies daugher, she were at Grimsby college learning hospitality.

Her breast were straining the seams on her cardigan, her lips were the like crimson, her eyes were like, well eye, one were blue and the early weren't, her hair's-breadth was utter gold wi inkiness source, her thigh were summat else and her cheek, had all the right bits and well thee don't have to attend at it when you're close up do thee.

"I'm Dolly,"says Dolores.

"howdy dolly,"says Tommy.

"comedian eh ?"she says.

"Nay fireman,"says Tommy.

"Got a lady friend ?"says Dolly.

"Nay,"says Tommy.

"Been buggered ?"she asked.

"No !"says he.

"trade good, I'm doing Hospitality arcdegree,"says doll,"Maybe you can help me wi me homework ?"

"I don't know,"says Tommy.

"I got exam on week after next and I still ‘ ant sucked a feller off yet,"

"What ?"Tommy demanded.

"I wants to be a Hoo er and you has to be certified to want to be a hoo er,"she said,"Least aways that's what me da says."

"Bin Fucked ?"Tommy asked.

"No that's final full term,"Dolly explained.

"All reet, I lend thee me peter for blow job,"Tommy says as he dropped his breeches.

"Ooooh its so big !"doll says."They told me to say that no topic how big it is,"she admitted.

"belt up and wrap thee laughing tackle unit of ammunition it,"Tommy says all manly like.

"Not if you're going to be lowbred,"Dolly says as she grasped his creature firmly.

"Oh fuck !"says Tommy as he shot his lading, luckily it missed her garb and cardigan and splattered onto her neck.

"You're fucking useless,"she opined. Poor Tommy. He ended up kipping in corridor.

Next day Tommy had to go home base be way of Doncaster on history of line being blocked and he had to account to shedmaster to explicate why he hadn't kept a proper look out.

"I had trouble wi injector see,"he explained,"These Gresley engine are rubbish."

"And thee driver ?"he asked. Now Tommy weren't sort of bloke to dob any bugger in so he says,"Having a shit on me shovel while I worked on injector."

"Trying to sodomize thee more like,"examiner replied,"Ah well he won't be buggering any sodomist any meter soon, all pelt burned off his ass and that firebox door handle."

"Went up his ass,"Tommy said all guiltless like.

"Did it heck as like,"said Inspector,"It went in all reet but it missed his ass hole, fact is he got two ass holes now."

"No, you're joking !"Tommy gasped.

"Fucking sawbones at railroad track Hospital hated the fat fucker so he made wound into second ass hole,"the inspector laughed,"He told Ted he coud have new career in Circus as the man we two asses !"

"Bloody the pits,"says Tommy,"I suppose he would rather have two cocks ?"he suggested.

"Not that sodomite !"Inspector added.

Tommy was fascinated be Doncaster kit and boodle, he saw engine with coach connection on stamp,"What's that for ?"he asked.

"So driver can get a pint from buffet car when he's parched,"Inspector told him.

As lick would stimulate it Ted got septicaemia and died, poor sodomite ‘ adn't no one, no family or nowt so he has a paupers funeral and the coupling paid for funeral undertaker and for the skilful second script coffin cat's-paw brokers had in strain out of members subs.

Funeral day and four blokes took some screws and made sure the lid wasn't coming off any time soon before they carried it in to church service and set the coffin down, then when service started. non-Christian priest asked Tommy to say a few words, being as he was Ted's last mate.

"I couldn't stick Ted. Ted were an ugly fat lazy sodomite, a bloody prevaricator and a shit first mate. He neber oiled his engine proper nor nothin'He died ‘ cause he neglected his dooty to kip a spirit out. I remember him when we had crash"Arrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhh,"he said wi'his pant down and his ass jammed on firehole door lever knob."A great belly laugh came from the half twelve or so blokes what botheredbto turn up."I never liked him, no one I know liked him, and I'm bloody glad he's dead."

"Amen !"said individual,"Amun, well said lad !"and they all clapped.

Afterwards Vicar had a quiet word wi Tommy,"I knows we says to always be dependable,"Vicar said,"But in twenty years I never heard such an honest eulogy spoken."

Tommy hadn't the slightest idea what he were on about. But when he got elder he realised one matter, when it comes to buggery its better to contribute than receive.

And dolly ? She failed the exams and had to move to London as they has lower standards for Hoo ers than us do in Yorkshire .